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Topics - DJ Dark

Pages: 1 [2]
16
Site/Forum/Computers / main site change
« on: 01:06, Sun 31 July 2005 »
8) the turbo on the main page has had a new sample and a classic tune 187 lockdown - the gunman.  8) nice1 Lee

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17
General Chat / Your a man if..........
« on: 16:28, Fri 22 July 2005 »
Subject: You're a man if...



1, OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.

2, CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.

3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Lightweight. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.

4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle.

5, GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction.

6, DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're hard.

7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.

8, HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt?". "Nah".

9, HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look like.

10, NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond: "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".

11, USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.

12, KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g! Stitch that, Becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.

13, ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are ****ed, however, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.

14, NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant, pass the pork scratchings.

15, CARVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man?" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing?" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.

16, WINKING - turns women to putty. Doesn't it?

17, TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.

18, TAKING OUT 200 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.

19, PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya."

20, PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. First time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.

21, HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.

22, HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off? Nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".

23, KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "A Phillips? For that? Are you mad woman?"

24, TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a visual code that says that's right, I'm going in there for a huge, long, man-sized s**t.


Dark

18
Renault 5 GT Turbo / suspension
« on: 00:11, Mon 18 July 2005 »
n e one know the length of a standard leg?

Dark

19
Your cars / shed
« on: 23:59, Fri 15 July 2005 »

20
General Chat / Flushed tailgates
« on: 22:36, Mon 04 July 2005 »
What y'all rekkon bout tha flushed tailgates?

Dark

22
Renault 5 GT Turbo / Wheels
« on: 22:04, Sun 17 April 2005 »
What wheels of what other makes o cars wud fit the 5
whats the pcd?

anyone know?

Cheerz
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23
Renault 5 GT Turbo / Help :(
« on: 18:08, Fri 08 April 2005 »
has or where etc etc etc

anyone got like schymatics or drawings blue prints anything of the hoses as to whats what and where the hell does it go an what it does kinda thing?

Peace out

Dark

24
General Chat / chek this out!!!!!!!!
« on: 22:44, Sun 13 March 2005 »
ever get bored at work an make stuff??????????

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25
Your cars / VW's
« on: 12:55, Sun 27 February 2005 »
mk2 Golf



Scirocco Scala


26
General Chat / ODD Weather
« on: 12:48, Sun 27 February 2005 »
The weather been wel messed up this wk been sunny, rainin, snowin, sleeyt, hail the lot..

Thursday mornin



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27
Renault 5 GT Turbo / The Clocks
« on: 20:11, Tue 08 February 2005 »
How easy/ard is it to change a bulb behind the clocks? my bulb which lites up the speedo up to the 40mph has gone  :cry:  

Dark

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